Reflections on the D.R.

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So, it’s been a long time since I’ve posted, so here is a big one…

I recently spent 3.5 weeks in the Dominican Republic with 9 AMAZING students from all over New England. Brown, RIC, UCONN, UNH, Tufts & Smith College were all represented. The trip is part of InterVarsity’s Global Issues Internship program. It is a three part trip including an academic piece before we leave the country, the in country piece in the D.R. and finally campus integration the following school year. So before we left we all gathered for 4 days in New Haven CT and asked some hard questions about world missions, sustainability, dependability and the social systemic injustice issues present in the places we were all headed. We wanted the students to think critically about missions and how we can “do missions well.” The second piece is the actual trip itself and the third piece asks students to bring this experience back to campus in the fall and use it as a part of the mission on campus.
The first place we went in the D.R. was the city of La Romana. We worked in a batey for the week. A batey is a sugar cane farming community. They are very poor and mostly filled with illegal Haitians. The men work in the fields for 12-14 hours a day for about the equivalent of $5 US dollars a day. Emilio, our host and guide for this week told us that “the only difference between these people and slaves are that slaves know that they are slaves, these people have no clue.” They are essentially trapped in a cyclical system of injustice. In order to get a better job to make more money they need to have papers, and in order to get papers they need to make more money to get to the city and pay the fees. They are trapped. During our time there we met many amazing people. There were two people that made had an impact on me profoundly. One was a child named Peterson and the other was Pastor of the church in the batey, Martin. Meeting Peterson him really awakened my sense of anger and sadness at the injustice and oppression around me. Meeting Pastor Martin gave me a new level of hope and confidence in the Kingdom of God as the only means by which the brokenness of the world will be put to rights.
Peterson and I barely spoke enough of each other’s language to hold any real conversation but by the end of the few days I felt a deep connection to him. One of the days all the kids started playing an AWESOME beat on the hand drums in the church. Always eager and willing to try a new instrument I asked Peterson to teach me the beat. He was pretty surprised when I was able to play along with the group, as if white boys have no rhythm! From that point on Peterson and I became silent friends. Like all good friends do, Peterson wanted to show me around his abode! So he led me all around the batey with a pointing finger. When we got to the sugar cane field he stops and says to me, “caña de azúcar?” (I knew enough Spanish to know he was asking if I wanted some) Of course I said “Si!” So, like all good hosts, Peterson took off running towards the field, jumping over mud piles and looking back every 5 seconds or so to put his hand up towards me in a “wait there” motion just to make sure I would be there when he came back. About 5 minutes later littler Peterson emerges from the cane field carrying a load of cane that probably weighed more than he did. Then an older friend took the machete and cut some sugar cane for us to all suck on. It was AMAZING. So, the injustice part comes in when I started to reflect on how much I liked Peterson and the reality that he may spend his whole life in the batey. As the reality of his situation sunk in, it wasn’t only that he may not get out of the batey, but that because of that his gifts may never be shared with the world. (The other side is that he may very well get out of the batey!) I started to remember how much I love hosting people in my house, cooking for them and just playing host. I saw a pride in Peterson for the place he lived, even if it wasn’t much. He knew he had sugar cane and that we didn’t and wanted to share that with us.
The other person I met was Pastor Martin. We did not come bringing tons of money or material goods for the people of batey Brador. This is somewhat expected of American teams because it happens so often. So, needless to say Pastor Martin was a little confused. This created a small amount of welcomed tension for our team, because these were the issues that the trip was designed to confront and help students think critically about. One day mid week, I prayed Proverb 10:28 over the team as we got off the bus. It says “The hope of the righteous brings joy…” I challenged us to be alright with seeing ourselves as encouragers and joy bringers from the Lord to the people of the batey. The last day, Pastor Martin said to Brendan and I “You come here, and don’t bring me one dollar, but you bring more…you look, see with your eye, they are happy.” We then all gathered in the church to say our goodbyes and Pastor Martin took the floor. Apparently Pastor Martin has some pull around the batey because all the children became quiet and immediately listened. He then began to tell the whole team as tears streamed down his face, that he thanks God for us and our trip and for the joy we have brought the people of Brador. Through his tears, he offered prayers of thanksgiving to God for us and then collapsed on Tom Brink’s shoulder in tears. Then we all gathered around him and laid our hands on him as Tom prayed for him and the ministry God has called him to in the batey. As a few tears streamed down my face, I got a glimpse of a pastor’s heart for his people and an even smaller glimpse of God’s heart. “The heart of a Pastor for his people is a beautiful thing,” was the thought that stuck in my head as we left that day.
We then transitioned to a different city to work with a different organization. It was here that I got to teach Spanish, learn how to cook Dominican, have some Dominican coffee, swim in a waterfall and learn about Dominican culture. Here we really started to wrestle with issues of our identity and calling. God brought up a lot of things in me as I led students wrestling with the same things I was. There is so much I would love to tell about that but it would take another 4 pages, so if you want to know, buy me a coffee sometime! ☺
We had some amazing times of intercession for the people we met and the situations we were encountering. The song “Your Great Name” became our anthem for the trip. As we said the same prayers every night and morning and sang some of the same songs, God began to answer our prayer to FEEL his heart for the brokenness of the world, and not merely comprehend it. As we prayed “Lord Jesus, soothe the suffering” each night, names and faces came rushing back. As we sang “the fatherless find their rest at the sound of Your great name, Redeemer, their Healer, Lord Almighty, Defender, their Savior, You are their King,” I believe we got a glimpse into the heart of God.
At the risk of already having written too much, I’ll sum up. This was an amazing trip, with an amazing team. God spoke in so many CLEAR ways to each of us. We learned so much about God’s heart for the poor, oppressed and forgotten. We learned about our role in the Kingdom as bringers of this Good News, that God has not abandon his world. We learned that God has said the ultimate and final “NO!” to injustice, pain and sin at the Cross. We learned that as followers of Jesus we are called to care about the people and issues that break God’s heart all while being made more into the likeness of Christ, because without Him we are nothing.

I will leave you with part of the prayer we ended our night with. Spend a minute in prayer for the people that God brings to your mind as you read this prayer.

Keep watch, dear Lord, with those who work, or watch, or weep this night, and give your angels charge over those who sleep. Tend the sick, Lord Christ; give rest to the weary, bless the dying, soothe suffering, pity the afflicted, shield the joyous; all for your love’s sake. Amen.

Click here to watch the video we made of Batey Brador.

a blessing

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May the Lord bless you and keep you
May He shine a light upon your face
May you feel the heat of His glory in your bones
May you know His kindness and His grace

May His love define your ways of living
May you see His face among your friends
May you live your story empowered by His love
May you be comfortable walking in your skin

May you find your worth from your Maker
And live in freedom all your days
May you grow in the sense of who you really are
May His light show you the way

May you know that you have the power
To add beauty and grace into this world
May you discover all your gifts and give them generously
May you listen for God’s every word

i am a university student who follows jesus…

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from our friends with Campus America:

I am a university student who follows Jesus.

I’ve been formally trained to think critically.  My view of the world is scarred with cynicism and skeptical interpretation.  Rarely is it acceptable that I feel anything.  If I do, I am encouraged to rationalize it away.

I continually face critical thinkers (like myself) who question the Christian subculture I come from.  I try to imagine a counter-cultural movement like I read about in Acts but I’m stuck in the tread of a divide between the sacred and the secular of this world.

On a regular basis I encounter situations where the name of Christ is being defamed by Christians who have forgotten the centrality of His love.  Where sins are ordered in a hierarchy.  Where people must pray through a checklist before being welcomed into the family.  Where people themselves are sidelined for the sake of the sins that precede them.

I know that the world will change only as I change myself, but everyone else seems focused on themselves. I’m torn between changing individuals and changing institutions.  History class laughs at the meta-narrative that defines my existence.  Science tells me that mystery is my enemy and faith is its poison.  My learning is split into departments.  So goes my religion.

I’m a university student who follows Jesus.

I have wept over abortion and I have grieved the breakdown of the family unit.  I have also wept and grieved over Christianity’s fear-filled reaction to both.

In fact, I often feel boxed in by the stigma attached to words like “church” and “Christian.” I tend not to speak up for the possibility of being misinterpreted.

I have awkward conversations with strangers who seem to be in need, but sometimes it feels like I do so more out of desire to feel better about myself than out of genuine care.

My prayers collide somewhere between “help me pass this test / help my suicidal classmate / please have mercy on the AIDS epidemic.”  I’m never sure what order they should be prayed in.

I try tirelessly to see that my schooling doesn’t interfere with my education.  I have skipped a test to be with Jesus and I have skipped time with Jesus to study for a test.  I wonder afterward if I’ve failed some sort of test with God.

I have known a lot of hope deferred and a few longings fulfilled.  I watch my peers poke holes in any hope without offering any hope in return.  Seems like cheap self-defense, but I find myself doing the same.

I’m constantly dividing between the voices in my head.  Discerning what is conviction, what is accusation, and what is simply empty tradition in my exhausted conscience.  I feel compassion in the depths of my soul, but I have learned to quiet it in order to keep my head above water.

Sometimes I sense that God is leading me to obey Him in an act that seems crazy to me.  With all the voices clamoring for my attention it’s hard to tell who’s talking, so I’ve gotten good at just talking it away.

I’m a university student who follows Jesus.

I’m on a technology overload.  Inundated with information that is inapplicable to the vast majority of my life.  I check my Facebook profile 22 times a day with the hopes of a red button notifying me of my importance to someone.  Most times there isn’t a response to my status update and my status diminishes a few notches in response.

I’ve had trouble making new friends because I’m busy keeping up with old acquaintances through a computer monitor.

I like the Word of God but I love the summary form Wikipedia gives me of its contents.  I repeatedly have to remind myself that the Bible isn’t another textbook to resell at semester’s end at a tenth of my purchase price.

My life has a continual soundtrack provided by wires that connect to my ears and straight-arm the annoyance of other peoples’ existence… “other peoples’ existence”… sooo annoying.

Silence both scares and bores me tremendously, making it seriously difficult to be still and know much of anything.  The natural world has all but disappeared from my daily activities.  My feet are far more familiar with concrete than grass.  My hands know well the texture of my keyboard and the smoothness of my cell phone, but there is no dirt beneath my tooth-trimmed fingernails.

I speak 17 different dialects of the English language: homegrown simplicity, calculated indie-rock, charismatic Christian, academic hyperbole, post-modern pessimist, etc…

I second-guess what I’m majoring in every second day and I can’t fathom holding down one job for more than one year.

I eat food like my body is a temple of convenience.  Making coffee takes too much time out of my incredibly important day so I stand in line for 5 minutes to buy a $5 cup.

I’m a university student who follows Jesus.

I’m somewhere in between child and adult. I’ve lost the innocence of my youth but I’ve yet to achieve the wisdom of my age.  The tension feels awkward and emphasizes my temporary existence.

I’m embarrassed to admit it, but I’m still tremendously reliable on my parents.  They give me money they would never spend on themselves without blinking an eye.  I question if I’ll ever be able to do the same for my kids.  My school loans are more than my parents paid for the house I grew up in.

I may not have the cash, but swiping the card doesn’t really hurt anyone, and I’ve got it down to an art.  I will buy a drink when I’m out with my friends.  I’m not sure I actually like the taste of alcohol, but I’ve learned that if I drink a beer people won’t think I’m such a stiff.  There have definitely been times I have had too much.  Both drinks and affection.

I buy new clothes that look old so I can maintain the appearance of “used and uncaring.”

I have often laughed and nodded at common knowledge I think I probably should know by now but don’t.

The world still appears wide open, sometimes even intimidating.  But more often I anticipate its narrowing and the possibility that I would remain little more than potential.

I’m a university student who follows Jesus.

Returning always to questions of who God is and who I am, usually in the wrong order.  I have friends but I often feel lonely.  I am habitually watching others watch me.  Am I essential to anyone?

I try not to look in the mirror too long when I’m alone, mostly so I can convince myself that I’m not self-obsessive.

I do the things I hate then try not to hate myself for doing them.  I’m trying to figure out who I am while trying to die to myself.

People have thanked me for being authentic when I have openly confessed my weaknesses.  Sometime I just want them to challenge my pride instead.

Everything feels urgent and rushed, and I’m trying to learn how to rest in the midst of the chaos.  To be defined less by the number of things I accomplish in a day and more by the grounding reality that I am unfailingly loved.  Not easy.

Many days it feels I’m just beginning to know God even though we’ve been getting to know each other for some time.  I tend to think He has reliable tendencies, but I’m never quite completely confident that I know how He will respond.  Some days not knowing makes it exciting; other times it brings disillusionment and I feel embarrassed on His behalf.  As if He needed me to.

I’m trying to make friends with people who don’t know Jesus.  Remember, that’s why I have a beer, insert a “swear word” from time to time, and reference U2 in conversation.

I remember something of the religious foundations of my college, but question why today religion is at most tolerated on the periphery of my curriculum.  What foundation is all this academia built upon?

I’m a university student who follows Jesus.

I want to love God with my entire mind.  To stand empowered in my intellect without being run over by intellectualism, losing my heart in its stead.

I welcome the challenge of my faith.  I think a healthy argument can be more respectful than offensive.  Seeing people who walk with a limp having wrestled with God makes them a bit more trustworthy to me.  But I dread the possibility of a life with a divided heart.  I crave resolve and I rarely have it.

I’m haunted by the question of tolerance v acceptance.  Absolute v relevant truth.

Perhaps what I fear most is having a form of godliness that has no actual power.

Some days I have glimpses of the changing cultural norm, and it disturbs me deeply.  What kind of world will my kids grow up in?  The thought suddenly cuts off as I realize I missed the last 4 minutes of notes in class.  I’m still trying to grow up in my own world.

I recall a young leader named Joshua who conquered enemy “-ites” to the tune of strength and courage.  His “-ites” are the “-isms” of my modern day.  Worlds of thought and heralded ideas that promote the self and eliminate any life outside of “me.”

Be strong, daughter.  Be courageous, son.  No longer will the stories of our fathers suffice.

I am longing for Kingdom come.  Laboring for it to break in now.  Looking for the places it is already established.  Wondering if they all collide in each moment of my every day life.

I am a university student who follows Jesus.

 

 

i love my job.

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it is now 2:08 am and I am sitting in a random study room in a dorm at URI that we have turned into a prayer room.  we took the ordinary and turned it sacred for twenty for hours.  intervarsity in new england is hosting 40 days of continuous prayer from maine all the way to ct and ri.  we are praying for the campus, the world and each other – asking God to move on campus in real ways.

right now as i write this two students are praying, there is some ambient worship music playing the background, the room is dimly lit, there is a cross and some fake candles (fire codes!), there are post- it notes all over the wall with prayers of repentance and prayer for the campus and of course there is coffee on the table in front of me.  there is a prayer journal that holds all the prayers of students in new england who prayed before us this fall.  on my break while they pray i had a conversation with a friend online where we talked about some pretty heavy things that affect both of us.  at the end my friend affirmed me with these words:

You are worthy.
You are precious and a gift.
You are chosen.
yup, all in a days work – and i get to do this again on thursday with my other campus ric.
earlier in the day when i was praying i felt that i should be praying for students from the dorm we are in to be drawn into our room, and lo and behold about an hour later two kids poked their heads in from the dorm.  one of them came back later to pray and didnt say much or let us pray for him – but afterwards i found out his grandfather had died 5 or so days before today.  this sacred space just appeared in his dorm just in time for him to come and meet with God.
i’m learning more and more about the power and the importance of prayer.
im learning just how much God’s plan goes forward with or without me.
i’m learning how deeply students hurt and how deeply they need jesus.
this is why i love my job…

 

 

 

jesus lives…let me show you how to clean your toilet

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so i have the privilege of every now and then being a part of welcoming some burmese refugees to providence.  we meet them at the airport, take them to their apartment often at midnight and show them how to use western appliances like their stove so they don’t burn themselves or burn down the house.  now, i don’t usually do much except carry their luggage but we try to be welcoming faces and laugh with them and pray before we leave, but i can imagine after 24 hours of air travel to a WHOLE new world with a sign strapped to your chest – laughter and a prayer are probably the most needed things at that moment.

imagine being a refugee…

here is a picture of Ruth, a case worker with the international institute of rhode island showing the family how to use their toilet bowl cleaner.

because we believe in new beginnings, because we believe there is always a fresh start, because we believe joy comes in the morning, because we believe in new mercy every day, because we believe we are to care of the foreigner in our midst when no one else does, because we believe the tomb is empty, because we believe jesus lives…let me start by showing you how to clean your toilet.

maybe a little over-romanticized…maybe not but i really really like meeting refugee families at midnight

Burma Campaign

US Campaign for Burma

Love Providence

focus

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lately it seems like i’ve been being convicted of focusing and being diligent in what i’ve been called to. not to say that I was not being productive before but my time in madison WI for new staff orientation for InterVarsity really hammered this home. If there is one thing I feel God saying to me it is “focus.” ten plus days around a bunch of like minded new staff has a way of focusing you. God was reminding me of this as all sorts of phrases that i had heard from different teachings or books or short films that had stuck with me.

“they have their path and you have yours.”

“what difference does it make…you follow me?” – Jesus

“the sacrifice makes it sacred”

“run the race…”

and of course there are things in my life (as there are in yours and probably always will be) that want to keep me from focusing. when it comes down to it there are “things” (i’ll leave it vague because it doesn’t matter) in my life that are not happening in the time frame I want…and sometimes it feels like God is saying “not now.” Now what makes this really hard and confusing is discerning whether or not God is actually saying “not now” or if I am making that up in my head. Because the reality is I could go after those things extremely intentionally and still do my job productively, but I know i wouldn’t be as focused and continually distracted. Obviously a balance will need to be reached someday but maybe thats it. But then on the other hand I feel like I could have a really good balance now and not be distracted. So when those things come up that are distracting it is still tempting to just go get what I want because I feel I have a good balance. Because honestly, even as I’m writing this blog entry its fuzzy. Having that conviction to be self limiting, and God saying no, and me just trusting God that his time is not my time, is all a lovely idea, and a really great conviction for other people to know you have – but when something comes up I tend to lean on my own understand rather than trusting. I start to think that God would not say no to that because either way yes or no I can do what I’m called to. (but then again, my productivity and effectiveness may not be the only reason for a no…) and then i find myself just completely ignoring the present conviction. so am i really convicted is the bigger question…

sorry – no fancy take away in this one – just over analytical reflections